Life Forever Changed

In the past two months my life has forever been changed.

On October 6, 2014 I asked for a separation. I asked my husband to leave our home.

He refused. I spent the night in a hotel with my mom and my daughters.

I was angry. Frustrated. Heart broken. But, trying to keep it together for my two, innocent little girls.

A quick rundown of what has happened since then:

My in-laws flew in on the red eye as soon as they found out. My husband told family and friends that he was blindsided and that we had grown apart. That left most people very confused.

I spent the week explaining to people that had no idea this was coming. For them, the situation was fresh. For me, it felt like I was telling a story that had been going for years and the wounds were only getting deeper. It was exhausting.

My husband and I laid out a general parenting plan so that he could see our girls on a regular basis.

He moved into an extended stay hotel. In the smoking section.

We discussed the girls staying the night with him. And decided it was best to let them get used to the change and the routine, then readdress them staying the night with him.

A couple weeks went by until the night of what I now call "the incident".

My husband crossed a line. A line that I, personally, could not go back after it had been crossed.

The Monday after I got a protection order and filed for divorce.

And it has not been easy.

It has been ugly. Emotionally draining. Frustrating beyond belief.

Divorce is not fun.

I have a long road ahead before the divorce is finalized. I anticipate lots of push back.

But, the one thing that has not waivered throughout the past month is that divorce is right.

In my situation, divorce is the right thing to do. I can now work on healing. Focus on raising my daughters to have healthy relationships, be strong, navigate this broken world, and love themselves. I can continue to show them that I love them and am always striving to improve in my mothering abilities. They are my number one priority.

I want them to know that they can do hard things.

One day at a time.