The betrayal, lies, and secrecy all create trauma.
Betrayal Trauma.
This manifests in similar ways to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Two years ago, our first time fighting this fight, I knew I needed help, needed support, needed explanations. I received some, but went into that stage of grief known as denial.
I continued in that stage for TWO years, trying to push it all down, ignoring (or thinking I was) the big elephant in the marriage, and thinking my life would never be what I had anticipated, wanted, needed, and dreamed.
About two months ago I was done with denial. I could not handle not dealing with it. The addiction was destroying me, and I would not let it win.
Now, there are many ways that betrayal trauma can manifest.
I relive the moment I caught my husband and the few days after.
I have disturbing dreams/nightmares sometimes.
I can see an image or some other "trigger" and it puts me back into the first few days.
My emotions range drastically day to day, sometimes even hour to hour.
I am more tired.
I am anxious a lot.
My heart races sometimes when I am just in the same room as my husband or even thinking about the whole ordeal (and not in the loving-heart-racing way).
I have fear for what my future holds and what will happen.
I am grieving the loss of what I thought my marriage would be.
All of this puts a lot of stress on your body. If it continues long term, it can have lasting effects.
I need to heal so I can make the best decisions for me.
I need to heal so I can forgive more fully and be forgiven.
I need to heal so I can be the best mother for my daughters.
I need to heal so I can accept this trial in my life and move forward.
I need to heal because I have the power to control what I do.
I found that the best explanation of Betrayal Traume is at AddoRecovery, which also has a great six week free online program. I'm on week two, but have heard great things about it and am loving it so far.
About two months ago I was done with denial. I could not handle not dealing with it. The addiction was destroying me, and I would not let it win.
Now, there are many ways that betrayal trauma can manifest.
I relive the moment I caught my husband and the few days after.
I have disturbing dreams/nightmares sometimes.
I can see an image or some other "trigger" and it puts me back into the first few days.
My emotions range drastically day to day, sometimes even hour to hour.
I am more tired.
I am anxious a lot.
My heart races sometimes when I am just in the same room as my husband or even thinking about the whole ordeal (and not in the loving-heart-racing way).
I have fear for what my future holds and what will happen.
I am grieving the loss of what I thought my marriage would be.
All of this puts a lot of stress on your body. If it continues long term, it can have lasting effects.
I need to heal so I can make the best decisions for me.
I need to heal so I can forgive more fully and be forgiven.
I need to heal so I can be the best mother for my daughters.
I need to heal so I can accept this trial in my life and move forward.
I need to heal because I have the power to control what I do.
I found that the best explanation of Betrayal Traume is at AddoRecovery, which also has a great six week free online program. I'm on week two, but have heard great things about it and am loving it so far.
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