My Story: Married

Quick note: I share this to give background to my story and to show that I am not perfect. To show that there were times of happiness.

Read Before Married Part 1 here and Part 2 here,

I met my husband in February.

Five weeks later we were engaged.

Yes, we were those Mormons.

Six months later we were married.

My parents still think it was too fast. I still do not regret it.

Back then I would have told you everything was perfect. Everything was pointed to married bliss.

How ignorant I was to married life. To what my future held.

Our wedding went just as I planned. We had a great time and enjoyed time with family and friends.

We planned a low key honeymoon with yummy places to eat, beautiful hotel rooms with great views, and a couple fun places to visit.

But, one sentence of that honeymoon now haunts me. It was dismissed at the time, but I still never forgot it.

Those words from my husband were just the beginning of how pornography addiction tainted his view of real intimacy. His ability to have a healthy sexual relationship, and healthy marriage, was impaired by his addiction to lust and fantasy.

This red flag among others are things I didn't think twice about then. Now, with my new vision and knowledge I can see.

I do not need to go into more detail about how the addiction affected our intimate life right now, except to say it was/is dysfunctional. It is unhealthy.

Pornography addiction affects marriages, relationships, and families in many other ways.

The first several years of our marriage were great, despite the secret problem. I did not realize anything was going on and my husband kept his big secret well hidden. There are still many happy memories.

I graduated from college.

We moved three times across state lines in the first two years.

My husband went to school. We both worked.

We traveled out of the country and to Disneyland. We went on road trips and camping adventures.

We laughed. We spent time with family. He sent me flowers randomly at work. I brought him dinner on his break when he worked swing shift.

We were happy.

Everything seemed "normal".

After our one year anniversary we started trying to grow our family. I have a medical condition that causes infertility issues. Our second anniversary passed without any signs of pregnancy even being a possibility. We started consulting with fertility doctors. Spent a lot of money. And got pregnant with twins.

Seven months later, I delivered two beautiful little girls. They spent two months in the hospital.

I thought that was the hardest trial I would have to go through. I thought that now that I was a wife and mother that life would be perfect. By this point, I was not under the "spell" that life was easy or that I would not have trials. But I really, truly believed that the two and a half years spent trying to get our two little spirits to this world safely and healthy would be the most difficult.


I was so wrong.