The Cleaning Analogy

August 24, 2014

Something funny happened.

It was an event that happens every so often in our home, and isn't really funny. But, I was thinking about this event and the analogy just came.

My husband rarely ever does housework anymore (one of the many side effects of the addiction). When we first got married he did the dishes, helped out all the time, cleaned the bathroom, and did not even complain. Now that I stay at home and his addiction has taken over, apparently I get to do all of it. And let's be honest, it rarely ever all gets done.

So, today our home teacher had scheduled to come over in the evening. About an hour before, my husband becomes frantic.

He starts cleaning our living room. Any toys that are out of place are quickly hidden. The vacuum is brought out and used on all the visible surface. Fragrance spray is used to mask any dog smell. The pile of video games and kitchen equipment that has been sitting on the entertainment center for weeks due to a dishwasher being installed is taken to the basement.

Our house looks clean and presentable.

But, I know it really is not.

He knows it really is not.

My husbands "recovery" and how he has presented himself past several years is the same. To other people we seem like any other family. He may seem like any other husband and father. We eat dinner together most of the time. We go to church on Sunday. He works a good job, while I am the homemaker. We visit our families often. He takes our dogs on walks. Our daughters tell him they love him.

As far as his recovery: he goes to the weekly church recovery meeting, we have an appointment with our bishop every Sunday, he has this book he is reading that is supposed to help him deal with his addiction, and he says he wants to change.

But, that is just the surface.

The vacuum has cleaned up his visible surface. The fragrance spray has covered any deeper "smell" of problems, addiction cycle, and relapses. The piles of things that need to be worked on are shoved in the closet so others don't notice. Things are hidden.

Nobody notices. Including me for the longest time.

I notice that under the surface is not getting better. And those things are being brought to the surface which is making everyone uncomfortable because things are no longer "clean".

It is time to deep clean and never go back.